Companionship

Souls in the Hands of a Tender God, subtitled Stories of the Search for Home and Healing on the Streets by Craig Rennebohm with David Paul illustrates the art and practice of pastoral caring among the most in need in the United States. Without describing the whole book, I would like to post some of the passages which have resonated with me the most in my early steps on the path of pastoral caring.

Some of the first words one hears in pastoral care training are usually Presence and Empathy. Rennebohm presents a wonderful passage on page 72 in which he describes what "companionship" is:

"In companionship, the Spirit moves to support the healing and growth of the soul. sharing the human journey together is vital in everyone's life, but it is especially crucial in the life of persons beset by illness, hardship, grief, or tragedy. Being present to a soul tormented by fear, buried in depression, or bouncing wildly from one extreme emotion to another can be trying. But companionship provides a way. Companionship is the vehicle through which God heals. through companionship, the gifts of the Spirit are made real."

Inevitably one asks -- as I did and still do -- how do you DO companionship? In the next several blogs I would like to explore the four practices of companionship as explained by Rennebohm: offering hospitality, walking side by side, listening, and accompaniment.

I am reminded of this lovely prayer:

"Keep watch, dear Lord, with those who work, or watch, or weep this night, and give thine angels charge over those who sleep. Tend the sick, Lord Christ; give rest to the weary, bless the dying, soothe the suffering, pity the afflicted, shield the joyous; and all for thy love's sake. Amen." [Prayer for Mission, Evening Prayer, The Book of Common Prayer]

"...as if beginning for the first time..."

"You must never regard any spiritual work as firmly established, and this is especially true of prayer; but always pray as if beginning for the first time. When we do a thing for the first time, we come to it fresh and with a new-born enthusiasm."

It only takes a few surprises to humble me when making a pastoral visit. It didn't take long to realize that the proper mindset is to be empty of self and full of awareness, awareness of the other person and the greater "Other." Every pastoral encounter is a new beginning, a new chance to connect with others and be connected. These few sentences from Theophan the Recluse are in the context of a discussion of prayer, but I think this is wonderful advice: we can expand our preconceptions of prayer and come to our spiritual work new each time.

Lenten Study: Grief for a Lost Job

I am preparing a presentation and group discussion on Grief and Job Loss for our church during lent. While looking for images on the internet for the faces of grief due to job loss, I was surprised to find at least the half the images in my search were charts, like this one. (can be found by searching the link below)

www.crisisobserver.com/picture-of-the-day/

I'm sure these statistics are correct and believe the organization posting this chart had only the intention of presenting facts to help inform the public about the state of our economy. I would be more than glad to take it off my blog if asked. There are plenty others to put in its place.

However (you knew that was coming!), the chart doesn't tell the story of human loss due to job layoffs. I suspect we all know someone affected by job loss, and it's heart-wrenching. All those lines on the graph sit on the heads of grieving distressed families.

Worry in the Workplace

Someone close to me is going through a very anxious time. The "not knowing" what's going on, the sense of helplessness is overpowering! "What did I do wrong?" How can we offer someone in this situation comfort?

I didn't make up these thoughts on my own, but listened to others, read a lot, and reflected for hours on end and have landed on my personal approach, which comes from my wounded heart:

Don't tell people things like "it'll be all right" or "when one door closes, another opens". Saying things like this is very impersonal, trite, and in fact may not be true. How do you know things will be all right? What does that mean anyway?

Instead draw on your own experience internally. You know what YOU feel like in your situation. At the same time resist the urge to say "I know what you're going through." Do you know what they are going through? Probably not. Rather use those feelings to be an empathetic listener.

People are usually uncomfortable being around someone going through an employment loss or reduction. But you can be there for them, no matter how much they talk or how many times they say the same thing over and over. Listen to their story.

White Socks

My retreat in Boston with Ecclesia Ministries last fall introduced white socks to me. Those generous people who minister to the homeless and precariously housed pointed out how important clean, good socks are to someone who spends all day on their feet.

People with a military background know how much emphasis is put on foot care and socks, as are people who are involved in athletics. When you think about it, the sock is a buffer between our body and our shoe, which is a shield from the outside. The offer to provide someone with a buffer, the human contact and demonstration by one person reaching out to another, is a wonderful thing. It's simple and inexpensive and is so rewarding for me personally.

I continue to be impressed by how many people take me up on an offer of a pair of socks. Even during this winter I have given away at least 4 times more socks than hats and gloves. Yes, that's why I have this big plastic container in my car filled with socks!

Link to Articles on Issues Facing the Homeless

Friends from Ecclesia ministries passed this along. Please take a look, especially at the article titled "The Volunteer You Turned Away." Here's the 1st paragraph:

I honestly believe that today more than ever, people genuinely want to get involved in the fight to end homelessness. After CNN profiled me and my work, I received lots of e-mails from people wanting to help. As always, I suggested they support their local homeless services. I also gave the disclaimer that it may be challenging trying to connect and encouraged people not to give up before finding an organization that "fits."

Find the entire article at http://homelessness.change.org/.

If you have NOT looked at the Ecclesia Ministries website, please take a look now!
http://www.ecclesia-ministries.org/

What Can We Offer?

Very often we encounter people who are deep in a personal struggle. Sometimes they tell us about it and sometimes they don't. If we determine that this troubled one has a spiritual background, we can suggest a meditation or prayer. I have taken it upon myself to start collecting brief passages from the Old Testament, which can be appropriate for almost any faith or denomination. These verses jumped out at me this morning:

Psalm 25:16-18 (NRSV translation)

Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
Relieve the troubles of my heart,
and bring me out of my distress.
Consider my affliction and my trouble,
and forgive all my sins.

I can think of past experiences when I wish I had this at hand. This would have been perfect for the moment, especially if the person and I could have said this out loud together. I have been told by hospital chaplains that they find the Psalms to be a rich resource for offering comfort to people from a variety of religious backgrounds, and I agree with that!

I going to have some cards printed up with this one!

God's peace,
Vance