Lenten Study: Grief for a Lost Job

I am preparing a presentation and group discussion on Grief and Job Loss for our church during lent. While looking for images on the internet for the faces of grief due to job loss, I was surprised to find at least the half the images in my search were charts, like this one. (can be found by searching the link below)

www.crisisobserver.com/picture-of-the-day/

I'm sure these statistics are correct and believe the organization posting this chart had only the intention of presenting facts to help inform the public about the state of our economy. I would be more than glad to take it off my blog if asked. There are plenty others to put in its place.

However (you knew that was coming!), the chart doesn't tell the story of human loss due to job layoffs. I suspect we all know someone affected by job loss, and it's heart-wrenching. All those lines on the graph sit on the heads of grieving distressed families.

Worry in the Workplace

Someone close to me is going through a very anxious time. The "not knowing" what's going on, the sense of helplessness is overpowering! "What did I do wrong?" How can we offer someone in this situation comfort?

I didn't make up these thoughts on my own, but listened to others, read a lot, and reflected for hours on end and have landed on my personal approach, which comes from my wounded heart:

Don't tell people things like "it'll be all right" or "when one door closes, another opens". Saying things like this is very impersonal, trite, and in fact may not be true. How do you know things will be all right? What does that mean anyway?

Instead draw on your own experience internally. You know what YOU feel like in your situation. At the same time resist the urge to say "I know what you're going through." Do you know what they are going through? Probably not. Rather use those feelings to be an empathetic listener.

People are usually uncomfortable being around someone going through an employment loss or reduction. But you can be there for them, no matter how much they talk or how many times they say the same thing over and over. Listen to their story.

White Socks

My retreat in Boston with Ecclesia Ministries last fall introduced white socks to me. Those generous people who minister to the homeless and precariously housed pointed out how important clean, good socks are to someone who spends all day on their feet.

People with a military background know how much emphasis is put on foot care and socks, as are people who are involved in athletics. When you think about it, the sock is a buffer between our body and our shoe, which is a shield from the outside. The offer to provide someone with a buffer, the human contact and demonstration by one person reaching out to another, is a wonderful thing. It's simple and inexpensive and is so rewarding for me personally.

I continue to be impressed by how many people take me up on an offer of a pair of socks. Even during this winter I have given away at least 4 times more socks than hats and gloves. Yes, that's why I have this big plastic container in my car filled with socks!

Link to Articles on Issues Facing the Homeless

Friends from Ecclesia ministries passed this along. Please take a look, especially at the article titled "The Volunteer You Turned Away." Here's the 1st paragraph:

I honestly believe that today more than ever, people genuinely want to get involved in the fight to end homelessness. After CNN profiled me and my work, I received lots of e-mails from people wanting to help. As always, I suggested they support their local homeless services. I also gave the disclaimer that it may be challenging trying to connect and encouraged people not to give up before finding an organization that "fits."

Find the entire article at http://homelessness.change.org/.

If you have NOT looked at the Ecclesia Ministries website, please take a look now!
http://www.ecclesia-ministries.org/

What Can We Offer?

Very often we encounter people who are deep in a personal struggle. Sometimes they tell us about it and sometimes they don't. If we determine that this troubled one has a spiritual background, we can suggest a meditation or prayer. I have taken it upon myself to start collecting brief passages from the Old Testament, which can be appropriate for almost any faith or denomination. These verses jumped out at me this morning:

Psalm 25:16-18 (NRSV translation)

Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
Relieve the troubles of my heart,
and bring me out of my distress.
Consider my affliction and my trouble,
and forgive all my sins.

I can think of past experiences when I wish I had this at hand. This would have been perfect for the moment, especially if the person and I could have said this out loud together. I have been told by hospital chaplains that they find the Psalms to be a rich resource for offering comfort to people from a variety of religious backgrounds, and I agree with that!

I going to have some cards printed up with this one!

God's peace,
Vance

Animals and Pastoral Care

Yesterday was Red's 2nd visit to a nursing home. He's a bloodhound, 9 months old now, and has been through one training course and is about to start a second. By nature bloodhounds are very friendly, though a little shy. But there's no question about the smiles I see on people's faces when Red comes to visit!

Often it's a great way to get a conversation going. I enjoy hearing stories about pets who played an important part of people's lives and are still vivid in their memories.

What Can You Do To Help the Homeless in Cold Weather?

(from CNN news today)

The weather has turned dangerously cold in much of the country, putting homeless people at high risk of injury or even death. If you encounter someone and want to help, what should you do?

The specific answer depends on the circumstances, but those who work with the homeless every day agree you generally should leave social services to the professionals. (emphasis added)

"We've been doing this work for a very long time, and what we tell people is it is better to donate funds and resources to organizations that are in the business of helping homeless people and have professionals on their staff who know how to do this," said Stephan Russo, executive director of Goddard Riverside Community Center, the lead homeless services agency in Manhattan.

Vance's comments: most of us would not think that lending a helping hand to someone might actually cause more harm than good. Think of the case where giving someone on the streets a blanket in the winter might cause them NOT to seek shelter inside, but instead stay outside.

I've personally found contacting a shelter or clothing bank directly and asking what they could use is the best way to go. Here in the NE winter gloves are always needed, especially men's sizes, as are plain white socks. When you are on your feet all day, your socks become very important.

See the entire CNN story with video at http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/weather/01/08/homeless.help/index.html?iref=allsearch. If this link doesn't work, go to CCN.com and search on the term HOMELESS. This will be one of the top stories of 1-8-2010.